How to Build True Resilience Through Life’s Toughest Moments

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to handle life’s curveballs with grace, while others fall apart under the pressure?

I used to wonder that too. Especially after my world was turned upside down.

This week on the podcast, I shared my thoughts on resilience. Not as a buzzword. Not as a trait that you either have or you don’t.

As a set of skills you can learn and build over time. And I believe that’s what makes it powerful. It’s not reserved for the strong. It’s available to all of us, even in the messiest chapters of our lives.

And don’t think that having resilience means you never struggle. Life will always have a way of testing us when we least expect it.

Resilience is about learning how to bounce back and rebuild, and it allows us to develop the capacity to adapt in the face of adversity, regulate our emotions instead of allowing them to control us, and to keep moving forward even when things feel uncertain.

💔 When My Life Fell Apart

When my son died as a result of a workplace tragedy, I didn’t feel resilient. I felt shattered. I couldn’t imagine surviving that kind of loss, let alone ever thriving again.

But slowly, with support, compassion, and tools I didn’t know I had access to, I started to put the pieces of my life back together. Not into the shape it was before… but into something new. Something different - and in some ways, even stronger.

💡 What Is Resilience?

Resilience isn’t about “getting over it” or pretending nothing affects you. It’s about:

• Learning from life’s difficulties and challenges instead of letting them define us
• Understanding our emotions rather than suppressing them
• Developing healthy ways to navigate stress
• Facing fear, pain, or grief and still choosing to move forward
• Choosing to - and moving forward with - rebuilding when things fall apart. Sometimes one shaky brick at a time.

As I said in the episode:

“Resilience is not about avoiding the storm; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

It’s not about being unbreakable - it’s about being rebuildable.

🧠 Coping vs. Resilience

We all have coping mechanisms - some healthy, some not so much. Coping helps us get through the day... where resilience helps us grow through the experience. There’s a difference.

Coping is about surviving.
Resilience is about learning, adapting, and - eventually - thriving.

There is real science behind mental resilience. Brain imaging show that our brain can literally rewire itself (neuroplasticity) over time, enhancing our ability to deal with stress. Studies show that people who have developed resiliency skills have increased cognitive flexibility due to higher activity in the brain regions responsible for problem solving, emotional regulation, and adaptability.

Resilience isn’t woo-woo. It’s based in biology and neuroscience. And the science tells us that we all have the ability to train our brain for greater resilience.

🛠 Six Tools to Build Your Resilience

Here are six practical, real-life strategies I’ve used (and still use!) to help build resilience:

1. Self-Reflection
   Journaling isn’t just for venting. It helps you process emotions, recognize patterns, and see how far you’ve already come.
2. Mindfulness
   Even just a few moments of intentional presence - during a walk, while brushing your teeth, or sitting with your coffee - can shift your stress response and center your thoughts.
3. Support Networks
   Having even one person who can hold space for you without trying to fix things can be transformational.
4. Reframing Your Thoughts
   Instead of “I can’t do this,” try “I will take this one step at a time.” Small shifts in language create big shifts in perspective - and sometimes in outcomes.
5. Goal Setting
   Tiny, manageable goals give us a sense of purpose. Progress - not perfection - is the point.
6. Gratitude (even when it’s hard)
   On the toughest days, gratitude might feel impossible. But even naming one small thing can help re-anchor you in the present.

📝 A Journaling Exercise to Try

I shared this one in the episode, and it’s especially powerful:

Door Closed – Door Open Exercise
Think of a time when a “door” closed in your life - a relationship, a job, a dream. Then reflect on what new doors opened as a result. What did you learn? How did you grow?

This exercise helps remind us that we have been through hard things - and made it through. And we can do it again.

If you’re feeling stuck, uncertain, or worn down by life’s challenges right now, I want you to know this:

You are more resilient than you think.
And you don’t have to go through it alone.

“Resilience is not about avoiding the storm; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

✨ Want more tools to build your resilience? Grab your free Bounce Back Blueprint. 

And if you haven’t already, listen to the full episode for even more support and reflection.

🎧 Episode 5: Building Mental Resilience in the Face of Adversity
Available now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen.

💬 Let me know in the comments or on Instagram: What does resilience mean to you?