Grief Brain: Why You Can’t Think Straight (and How to Support a Healing Mind)
Have you ever walked into a room and stood there feeling silly because you’ve forgotten what you went in there for?
Maybe you’ve misplaced your keys - yet again - even though you swear you always put them in the same place.
What about completely blanking out in the middle of a sentence?
Ya – I think we all have moments like that.
But when you’re grieving, those moments can multiply – and be incredibly distressing.
Because on top of all of the other emotions you’re coping with, now you get to add fear.
You start to wonder:
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I focus?”
“Am I losing my mind?”
So let’s stop and take a deep breath to start, because…
There’s nothing wrong with you.
You’re not broken.
You’re not going crazy.
And what you’re experiencing actually has a name - and an explanation.
It’s referred to as “Grief Brain”
“Grief brain” is the term used to describe the fog, forgetfulness, and lack of focus that so often happens when we are trying to cope with a loss. And it’s much more than just feeling really tired and distracted.
It’s a neurological response to trauma and emotional stress when your brain trying to adapt to a reality that no longer makes sense to you.
When we’re grieving, our minds are literally, completely overloaded.
The vast majority of our cognitive space has been high-jacked to process the loss and figure out how we’re supposed to live in a world that feels so radically different than before.
This cognitive overload means that our brain’s working memory, focus, and emotional regulation systems are all running on fumes. The only part that seems to be working is the part that lets us feel fear and panic about what the heck is happening to us.
Here’s why:
Grief floods the body with stress chemicals like cortisol and adrenaline, which impact some key brain regions.
- Our Amygdala: which processes emotion and fear. When it’s in over-drive, it heightens anxiety and our fear and emotional responses.
- Our Hippocampus: which stores and retrieves memory kind of goes off-line and we have a hard time remembering things – and storing new information.
- Our Prefrontal Cortex: which helps us plan, focus, and regulate all of those emotions, gets suppressed, making it hard to think clearly or make even simple decisions.
That fog, that forgetfulness, that inability to concentrate? It’s really your brain’s way of conserving to keep your basic functions going while you’re in the eye of the storm.
And grief brain doesn’t only happen when you’re dealing with the death of a loved one.
It can high-jack the system following any kind of significant emotional loss - including ones society doesn’t always recognize.
- Loss of identity.
- Divorce or estrangement.
- Miscarriage or infertility.
- A major illness or injury.
- Retirement or job loss.
- Empty nest transitions.
- Even losing a pet, a sense of safety, or a home can trigger the same neurological response.
Because grief doesn’t differentiate between the loss of a person… the loss of an identity… or the loss of your sense of security.
If it hurts your ‘heart’, your nervous system perceives it as a loss and triggers the same physiological and neurological responses.
After my son died, I went from being a highly organized, detail-oriented mom and administrative professional to someone who could barely remember what day it was - or sometimes what I was saying halfway through a sentence.
I lost hours of time in a fog… I couldn’t focus long enough to read a single email - let alone an entire book… I forgot birthdays, missed appointments, and once even got lost driving somewhere I’d been hundreds of times.
And through all of that? Nobody told me this was normal.
Not my doctor.
Not the psychiatrist.
Not the insurance rep.
It was months later when I learned that grief brain was a real, physiological response - not me losing my mind.
Since then, I’ve heard the same story from so many others. Parents… spouses… children… siblings… friends… - all terrified that they were “losing it,” when in truth, their minds were just trying to heal from heartbreak.
Grief brain is universal. Some people just figure out how to hide it better.
The good news?
While grief brain can feel endless, it does improve with time and gentle support.
Here are a few ways to help both your heart and your mind begin to recover:
💤 Prioritize Rest
Sleep is when our brains and bodies do most of their repair work. Create soothing routines, keep your sleep environment dark and comfortable, and avoid screens before bed. Re-frame your rest time as medicine, not luxury.
📝 Use Memory Aids
Lists, reminders, calendars - these are lifelines, not crutches. And writing by hand is even better because it stimulates parts of the brain that support learning and memory.
🌿 Create Simple Routines
Small rituals (morning tea, evening walks, feeding your pet) give your brain predictability, which helps reduce overwhelm and restores a sense of stability.
🌬 Practice Mindfulness
Simple grounding exercises or mindful breathing can calm our amygdala and help reactivate our prefrontal cortex. Even a short walk in nature can help balance stress hormones and calm your nervous system.
✍️ Write It Out
Journaling or letter-writing helps label emotions - which, according to neuroscience, lowers emotional intensity and re-engages rational processing. Write what needs to be said… then let it go. (I like to burn it or bury it – literally).
🥗 Feed & Water Your Brain
Hydration, nutrition, and Omega-3s all support brain repair. Small, frequent, nourishing meals can help if your appetite is low.
🤝 Lean on Connection
Social support is powerful
medicine. Safe, nonjudgmental company releases oxytocin and dopamine - soothing neurochemicals that lower cortisol and reduce neurological stress.
Even sitting quietly with someone you trust can help your nervous system relax a little.
💜 Practice Self-Compassion
Grief rewires the brain. Neuroplasticity means it can heal and adapt - but it takes time and self-compassion. Be patient with yourself and give your brain space and time to find new pathways toward peace.
If you’re journaling, walking, or just thinking quietly today, consider these:
- What’s one small thing I can do to support myself right now?
- What would I tell someone I love who was feeling this way?
- If I’m supporting someone in grief, how can I show up for them with compassion and presence?
Some closing thoughts…
Grief brain is just your mind doing the hardest work imaginable of trying to make sense of a world that’s changed forever for you.
You’re not losing your mind.
You’re learning to live with that new reality.
Both your heart and your brain are doing the best they can, so give them:
Compassion.
Gentle structure.
And time.
Because healing - just like grief - is a journey.
And even in the fog, your brain is quietly finding its way along the path.
✨ If this post resonated with you, explore my free resources:
🕊 Insights for Navigating Grief
Both offer simple, supportive tools to help you move through grief with understanding and care.
